Sunday, June 6, 2010

LKSH1/W00 Episode 7

It's that time again.

[On the last episode…]

              John: “Go ahead and take a seat, Haken…” (levels squirt gun) “…Or should I say, Haruka Brodel?”
              Kaguya: “What I really wanted to know about is how Lilith managed to stay inside Marisa for…apparently years.”
              O’Malley: “That sort of thing just isn’t proper Youma MO… In order to do that sort of thing, you need at least a decade of prep time.”
              Haken: “I told you that whole ‘W00’ hullabaloo was for real, Pops… But what I’d like to know is…how the heck do YOU know it?” (points at Pete)
              Pete: “Henshin.”
              [GEAR UP: JAEGER NULL]
              Pete: “A toast to our friendsh-“

[Suddenly…the highlight reel is torn away, leaving a white screen.]

              Suzuka: …Yeah, this isn’t gonna work when all that really happened last episode was a bunch of talking. What say we skip to…heck, maybe a little after THAT, hmm?

[The film is replaced, and we rejoin the action, as it were, in the Zeit’s living room…]

              “Kaguya…just…wow.” Guy!Haken set down his chopsticks. “I believe that’s the best sushi I’ve had in months.”
              Aschen quickly swallowed the roll she was working on when that comment came out. “Well, to be fair, it and the other night are the first sushi you’ve had since…I think right before we all met each other in the scramble for Kaguya’s bounty.”
              “Oho? Dressing like he usually does, I’m surprised Haken hasn’t gotten his share of sea cucumber by now.” The cowboy furrowed his brow at Suzuka’s remark. “Of course, by sea cucumber I mean-“
              “We KNOW what you mean.” Kaguya scarfed down another mouthful of rice before following up on her retort. “Besides…I know from personal experience that he’s more of an oyster person.”
              A resounding ooooooooh escaped the other two females’ lips. About halfway through, Haken’s blush deteriorated into a giggle. “Well, I can’t help it when such beautiful pearls are mine for the taking…but seriously, can we please refrain from the seafood innuendo?”
              “What’s the deal? Your history with Anne THAT bad?”
              “Naw, it’s just…I’d like to stay focused on the matter at hand. Dad’s got me booked for this city council gala at Casshim Park tonight, and I’ve gotta settle on which of TheSnake’s powers I’ll be showing off.”
              “Well, you’ve got a few hours, right?” Kaguya jabbed at the rice again. “You’ve got plenty of time to screw around in the training room and see what does wha-“
              “Also he knows I’m turning into a girl and we’re all turning into Frontier Senshi.”
              The sound of the three girls’ jaws dropping roused Lee from his slumber two floors down.

[And cut to intro. Same deal as last time.]

Lewd Kamen Senshi Haken 1/W00
An Endless Frontier-flavored multi-fandom blender by /m/’s Haken Browning

              TV Asahi Announcer: Lewd Kamen Senshi Haken 1/W00 is created using materials from the following corporate entities: (display Bandai Namco, Toei, Konami, Kojima Productions, Shogakukan, and Square Enix logos) Rights of scenario reserved without intent to profit by Team Phantom Tiger. Promotional and distributive consideration graciously provided by our web hosts and sponsors: (display FFN, deviantART, Blogger, and Google logos) …Also Team Phantom Tiger doesn’t own the TV Asahi Announcer voice either.

Episode 7: Fusion of Man and Machine! Call, Geist Hopper!

[A few minutes later, in the Zeit’s Training Room…]

              Kaguya stroked her chin as Haken, already morphed into TheSnake’s Solid Normal configuration, pored over the cards withdrawn from his hip pouch. “So…John already knows.”
              “And he didn’t blow his top or do anything creepy after running it by you.”
              “And you didn’t get yet ANOTHER set of superpowers in the process.”
              “Like I’d really want any more at this point.”
              The princess grinned. “…I win.”
              “Wait, what?”
              “Marion decided to put her stake from you getting the belt on a double-or-nothing. Between that fizzling out and Lee and O’Malley’s bizarre fantasies never coming to light…I’ve won the betting pool on how long it’d take Papa John to get it and when.”
              A handful of cards were set aside as Haken turned to Kaguya. “Remind me again what sort of stakes you guys were playing with this?”
              “Oh, just a few hundred apiece, nothing I or the Amahara treasury would miss if I lost…though I must say, being the last woman standing DOES have its advantages.”
              “Like what?”
              “Well, maybe if we’ve got time after you get your cards in order…” The rest was whispered into the side of Haken’s helmet, which conveniently obscured the resulting blush.
              “…I thought that was only legal in Varna Karai!”
              “It’s fair game EVERYWHERE so long as you use a squeeze bottle.”

[Meanwhile, down the hall…]

              *Doctor, it appears the download has completed and unpacked successfully. I must say, though…I’m still not quite sure I can bend that way.*
              “Oh, YOU will.” Marion smirked as she knocked back an indeterminate canned drink. “Half the process was based on the…flexibility diagnostics we’ve been running together. Just remember, we can’t let the others know about our little surprise just yet.”
              *The females will surely just write it off as-*
              “No, not THEM. I mean Nacht and Abend. They’re gonna be SO jealous once they get back from interning at Dorothy’s.”

[Even FURTHER meanwhile, in an undisclosed location…]

              Brother…you have ascertained his status and opinion on the mission, and have pledged to collaborate with him…Why, then, is he still marked as an enemy?
              “Because of what he and his friends did to you. It is…beyond me to forgive that.”
              Well, it’s not beyond ME to forgive them. I’d like to see them again once I’m all…back together…
              “If you do so, you’ll lose sight of the mission just as they have.”
              And what, pray tell, is the mission?
              “I…I’m afraid I cannot say just yet. For now, all that is necessary is to deal with the threat the Youma and Infiltrajin pose. As much of a buffoon as HE has become, his intelligence on these matters has been invaluable.”
              Very well, Brother…I will continue to defer to you on the matter.
              Pete Pain closed the connection as the other speaker sighed. After all, deferring to you is pretty much all I CAN do with half a leg and two-thirds of an arm missing.

[That evening – Casshim Park Amphitheater…]

              O’Malley fidgeted in Aschen’s arms as the Zeit’s entourage took their designated seats. “So let me get this straight: it’s a secret identity thing, and yet they go so far as to hold this big stage show for what counts as covert military ordnance?”
              “Ix-nay on the ecret-say,” Suzuka interjected as fan clashed against ear.
              “Besides,” Aschen replied, “TheSnake is supposed to be also-ran tech from Formido Heim. It’s just the sideshow for whatever Herencia’s really cooked up for this event.”
              “I don’ remember ye talking much to Haken after this morning’s wake-up call – how do ye know this?”
              “Well, I didn’t exactly hear it from Haken. ‘Haruka’, on the other hand, seems to have trouble keeping her mouth shut when Kaguya’s around.” The gynoid shot a playful smirk Kaguya’s way as the princess let loose her own sly smile.
              “Believe me, I’ve tried EVERYTHING. There doesn’t seem like much that’ll keep her from screaming my name…or, sadly, from spilling what I’m told are state secrets.”
              “Remind me never to let you two get frisky anywhere that requires security clearance,” Suzuka chimed in with an eyebrow cocked. “So how much HAS ‘she’ told you about tonight’s proceedings, anyway?”
              “Only what’s planned for TheSnake’s performance. Everything else, well…let’s just say there’s secrets that even Haruka can keep.”


              Haken checked once again to make sure the selected cards were at the forefront of his deck. “Pops…you sure we really need to be doing this?”
              “These are trying times, Haken.” John Moses took a swig from a nearby water bottle before continuing. “With what the public thinks are two different sets of monsters running about, it’s paramount that they be reassured we can protect them. And if projecting that image of security means moving SMD off the black budget, then-“
              “No, not that. I mean…why this sort of presentation? It’d be far easier to go with a conference or an expo…y’know, something more reserved.”
              John sighed. “…I was really hoping to score the conference center for this, actually, but a certain foreign guest needed quite the advance booking arrangements in order to set up for their big thing next week. Wait…not big…more like absolutely HUGE.”
              “Huge, huh? I hadn’t seen anything on it in the paper.”
              “I’m told it’s had to stay under wraps as deeply as SMD has up to tonight.”
              A stagehand approached the duo, Pete following close behind. “You’re on in three!”
              “All right, boys…let’s give ‘em something to cheer for.”
              The two Riders simply nodded as they took their places.


              John took the stage alone following the initial bouts of applause, hands grasping the podium in a show of seriousness. “Ladies and gentlemen of Trodel Stadt, visitors and TV spectators from across the Frontier…these are trying times. Mysterious creatures from worlds yet unknown to us have decided to approach us in arms rather than in fellowship. With tensions between our newly reunited nations already nearing the boiling point-“ Here, the TV viewers in Elfetale wondered if the stink-eye John slipped in was aimed at them or simply at acting king Rubor Cucullus. “-it is imperative that we look to our own resources to deal with crises before calling on our neighbors willy-nilly. Luckily, here in Lost Herencia…” The curtain rose, garnering oohs and aahs as the spectators beheld the array of iron-clad personages behind John. “…we’ve done a little bit of both and come out the better for it.”
              The two figures at the front of the display – TheSnake and TheFox – snapped to salute, the twenty or so androids behind them following behind a half second later. “For the past several weeks,” John continued, “the unit behind me has been conducting covert operations to ascertain the threat that our invaders pose to Herencia, and potentially the rest of the Frontier. The results of their analysis paint a bloody picture of an ancient kingdom seeking revenge against champions of old – a thirst for blood they will not hesitate to sate with innocents. Why they have chosen to resurface in Lost Herencia, and Trodel Stadt in particular, we have yet to discern – but the Special Mechanical Division has made it a priority to make damned sure they do not progress beyond the bounds of our nation. With this in mind, I hereby dissolve the SMD effective immediately…”
              Murmurs of shock swept through the crowd as the various dignitaries and citizens pondered why a defense project such as this would be cut at such a crucial time.
              “…And, also effective immediately, reform it, with the full jurisdiction of a public security force, as the Special Robotic Weapons Corps of the Herencian armed forces!” Whoops and hollers erupted from the throngs as the armored figures relaxed their salute.
              These shouts turned to screams soon afterward, as the bulk of the robots were swallowed by an inky black portal opening underneath them. The two figures at the forefront turned to face it – or rather, the figure rising from the depths to replace the machines.
              “YOU!” The one on Stage Right – TheSnake – pointed an accusing figure at the speckled being.
              “Me.” Lilith Barshem put her hands on her hips. “Why didn’t you tell me there was a show for tonight, hmm? I brought enough friends to put on a circus!” More portals opened from the sides of the amphitheater, revealing a host of mutated beasts eager to tear at the terrified crowd.


              “Tch…it’s a two-pronged attack.” Marion straightened her hat. “Aschen, Suzuka, clear out those exits. Kaguya, stay around here in case Haken needs to change. O’Malley, you and Lee watch the evacuation and call us if they open up more portals.”
              “What about you?” Kaguya inquired. “You don’t have ANYTHING!”
              “Oh, don’t I?” Marion withdrew a bottle of ice water from her coat. “You KNOW green room water is always served at room temperature. I’ll be fine besides.”
              The princess sighed. “…If you say so. Everyone to positions! Blossom Frontier Fusion!”
              “Tiger Frontier Fusion!”
              “Fever Frontier Fusion!”
              “We got your six, lasses!” O’Malley’s laser eyes shot open as Lee bared his fangs and the girls took their positions.


              Ceramic alloy-plated fists smashed against – was this flesh? Steel? Haken could barely tell – as TheSnake tangled with Lilith.
              “Heh…you’re pretty good as a guy, too. I’ll have to step it up a notch!” Crystals along Lilith’s shoulder and arm pulsed in series as she reared back to fire a laser from her palm-
              The pistol summoned into Pete/TheFox’s hand blasted a crack into the palm crystal, resulting in a short that engulfed Lilith’s right arm in a flash of energy.
              “…Nice save.”
              Bullets from Haken’s own summoned firearm bounced off the podium, striking an ambushing Infiltrajin in the neck. “You’re welcome.”


              “All right…targets are concentrated in a rectangular block, no civilians behind them, no valuable property in the way…” Suzuka rattled off these facts as she planted her fists and feet in a variety of Infiltrajin. “Only one question: is the moon out?”
              A wolf-like monster leapt toward Suzuka/Sailor GUN-Oh, prompting her to uppercut it in the muzzle…and look up to the sky for her answer. “Oh hell yes, the moon is out!” The demoness flipped open her Mugen Amulet, holding Pound and dialing 5-5-5 before retreating into position.
              START UP
              Instead of the usual mini-gatlings, a pair of strange mechanical arrays formed around Suzuka’s forearms. She brought them together, forming a single barrel that started charging with energy.
              “Oh-hohohoho! GUN-Oh SEALING TECHNIQUE: FEVER BLASTER!” A white-hot cone of sheer force erupted from the barrel, incinerating Suzuka’s opponents in one shot.
              TIME OUT
              The Sailor GUN-Oh suit shifted back into Suzuka’s usual robes as she staggered back. “Gotta do something about that recoil…”


              The stage rumbled despite Lilith doing little more than support herself. “Heh…looks like my ride’s arrived.”
              “Your ride?”
              Haken’s query was answered by the appearance of a gigantic earthworm tunneling up from the stage right exit, where Aschen had finished executing her own burnout.
              “I believe you humans say nowadays…yoink!” The Youma princess leapt onto the worm, kicking its shell just so to engage movement.
              “Damn…she’s escaping the park! And who knows what that thing’ll hit before it goes back under!”
              “We even got anything that can track it?”
              A third voice joined the two Kamen Riders’ ruminations. “I got something.” The pair turned to see Marion climb onto the stage, digging through her coat to produce…
              “…That’s not exactly a bottle of water – not like we’ll really need it, anyway.”
              “It’s an extra chip for your belt and-“ The elf turned to TheFox. “-well, you know. Long story short, I got some help and developed a fast attack module for TheSnake. Try it out.”
              “Fast attack, hmm? Here goes…” Haken plugged the chip into the side of TheSnake’s main buckle. “Call, Geist Hopper!”
              The roar of an engine filled the night sky as a sleek black motorcycle wheeled into view, stopping inches from the seats. “Wait just a minute…that white and gold trim…is this-“
              “…And it talks. Er, he talks.”
              “…All righty, then. Pete, you want shotgun?”
              “You go ahead, John and I gotta handle the debriefing.”

[In pursuit across downtown…]

              It was a trivial matter to catch up to the earthworm, given it’d burrowed through half a foot of asphalt in its mad dash across the city. Lilith cursed the state of her arm as the black machine pulled alongside the gigantic annelid, its rider turning to face her.
              “Looks like I get to finish the job my partner started, after all.”
              “Don’t get your hopes up yet, boy. Or should it be ‘girl’?” The worm sank another few inches, bursting open a water line and spraying TheSnake and Geist Hopper with icy fluid. Lilith cackled at seeing the duo drenched, only to stop when…
              “Sorry, lady, but unlike my Sailor suit, my Rider suit is watertight.” Haken reached for a card to activate in retaliation when a beep from the cycle’s instrument panel interrupted him.
              *May I suggest using one of THESE instead?* The digital speedometer flipped over to reveal a smaller card deck clipped on the back, next to an insertion slot.
              “Well, Mister Ghosto, looks like Marion took care of everything.” Haken drew the top card and jammed it in.
              [GEAR RIDE: R-R-R-REX]
              Suddenly, the bike lurched to the right as a portion of the rear bumper began to unfold and transform. For a second, Haken could see the left leg of his beloved Gespenst, shortly before it morphed into a linear cannon perched over his right shoulder. “Tch…could’ve warned me there’d be weight issues…”
              *Well, YOU’RE the one who just took the top card without looking. Also, cannon charge in 5 seconds.*
              A green glow surrounded Lilith’s forearm as its regeneration completed. “FINALLY! And in just a few more seconds…”
              Haken slammed the brakes on Geist Hopper as the earthworm careened past. “Looks like…”
              Likewise, the worm coiled around the next intersection, head segment rising to look back at the interloper.
              “…this is your…”
              A mouth pried open from the worm’s head, revealing what appeared to be a fleshy lump studded with metal spikes.
              “Crossdressing buffoon! This will be your…”
              The railgun jutting from Geist Hopper’s back shifted, its target acquired and locked.
              “LAST STOP!”
              A supersonic slug bolted out of Geist Hopper’s linear cannon as the earthworm ejected the strange hairball from its throat. Shrapnel and oddly-colored fluids littered the sky as the two projectiles slammed against one another, the rail slug powering through and tagging the worm in the roof of its mouth.
              “Oh, for…” Lilith shuddered as a mass of dark energy began to engulf her. “One of these days…I’ll be rid of the both of you!” The worm’s corpse shattered into purple and green mist as the pool of black faded into the night.

[One regrouping aboard the Zeit later…]

              “…On a related note, the SRW Corps android troops lost in the beginning phase of the monsters’ attack were a public appearance squadron, possessed of basic presentational and law enforcement AI. There is no need to be concerned about the firepower of SRW being compromised, as the higher-powered models are stored in-no, sir, I cannot disclose exactly where they are stored. Despite Mayor Moses’ mass declassification of the unit, some national security measures still need to be taken…The appearance of the ‘Mystery Princesses,’ or as we at SRW have dubbed them, the ‘Frontier Senshi,’ was unprecedented, yet appreciated due to their cooperation in containing-“
              Kaguya clicked off the TV and Pete’s debriefing of the press corps. “Unprecedented, but appreciated…I bet they’d have appreciated us a little more if I’D managed to help fight some of ‘em off…”
              “Eh, you can’t fight ‘em all…and frankly, you shouldn’t.” Haken rubbed his shoulder, still a tad achy from bracing the Rex Cannon. “Besides…even if you didn’t manage to get a piece of the action tonight…I appreciate you.”
              “Oh, don’t try to be sweet on me…”
              “I’m not trying. I really DO appreciate you…and everyone else on this ship. If it weren’t for you guys – well, mostly gals – Pete and I would be stuck against a hundred demons, backs to each other, half the audience mauled to death-“
              “Oh, for…what is it with you and getting morbid after this sort of thing?”
              “What? All I said was-“
              “Or maybe…I should get Haruka’s opinion instead?” The princess emptied the remains of her glass of ice water on Haken, bringing out his feminine side.
              “You shouldn’t have done that…” ‘Haruka’ dropped ‘her’ voice to a husky whisper. “You see…Haruka appreciates you THAT much MORE…”
              Kaguya grinned as Haruka leaned in close. “Well, if that’s the case, I guess I really SHOULD have done that…”
              The two tumbled onto the couch as the princess accepted the cowgirl into her embrace, the lights in the Zeit’s rec room dimming as they nestled into each other’s arms.
              In the adjacent doorway, Suzuka removed her hand from the dimmer switch. “Must EVERYTHING be an excuse to cuddle with those two?”
              Aschen rolled O’Malley around in her arms a bit before peering into the gem on his forehead. “…Signs Point to Yes.”
              “Jes’ let ‘em have their fun, lasses. Better yet, why don’t the two o’ ye try it? I’ve nae reason to judge…”
              The fuzzy familiar was punted halfway down the corridor for his trouble.


[Next Episode Preview]

              Kaguya: I’ve made up my mind about this next Youma…
              Suzuka: Oh?
              Kaguya: If I’m gonna be the last to show off my finisher with Haruka, then I’m going to make it count!
              Haken: You don’t mean-
              Kaguya: Yep! If fusing with you AND causing a burnout both grant the power to seal Youma, then the two COMBINED must obviously-
              O’Malley: There’s a reason it’s never been done before, lass…
              Kaguya: Well, you’re gonna see it happen now! On the next LKSH1/W00, Episode 8: Selection of the Perfect Partner! Hyper Blossom Sealing Technique!
              Haken: This will only tickle a bit…
              Lee: Shouldn’t that be Kaguya’s line?

[Bonus Preview]

              *A mysterious bullet train whooshes by the Zeit Krokodil*
              Aschen: Oh? What’s this new vessel traveling the sands of the Frontier?
              Haken: I think they just got lost traveling the sands of time.
              Aschen: What?
              Haken: The next-generation bullet train Kamen Rider: Den-Ae.
              *clips from the new series begin playing*
              Kaguya: A mysterious organization denied her a normal life.
              Suzuka: An incompetent television network denied her a happy ending.
              O’Malley: But with her friends and the power of the Digital Train XANALiner, nae anyone will deny her the truth!
              *cut back to the gang on the Zeit*
              Haken: Kamen Rider Den-Ae debuts in the world of SRWQ later this month as a Team Phantom Tiger exclusive.
              Marion: Then, prepare to enter the TRUE world of Den-Ae July 4th, in FFN’s Kamen Rider Crossovers or Code Lyoko Crossovers!
              Lee: And the first 50 reviewers of either this fic or Kamen Rider Den-Ae’s inaugural chapter on Independence Day will receive a limited foil edition “Porygon-Z SP” card for the Pokémon Trading Card Ga-
              Aschen: Uh, Lee…
              Lee: Hmm?
              Aschen: This is a fanfic. On the Internet. We can’t give out Pokémon cards over the Internet.
              Marion: Actual Pocket Monsters and the Global Trade System, however, are a different matter entirely. Stay tuned to Team Phantom Tiger for more details!

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