Daidarabotchi Destiny Diagnostic

"Stupid Aegis, trying to shuffle me off so she can feel up that new tittyfish..."
"Hiiiii~"

"Cirno. I have a headache tonight. Do not aggravate it, or I'll pluck you apart to use as Revoltech joints."
"Naaaah, I ain't gonna do that. Got other plans."
"Do tell."

"A Daidarabotchi just came in from Thailand, so I'm gonna put it together. Wanna help?"
"...that's a Gundam. Well, a Chinese bootleg one, at least."
"It doesn't say Gundam on the box, and I gotta call it SOMETHING, so it's Daidarabotchi."

"These parts are a surprisingly accurate recreation of the HG Destiny Gundam. I swear I can smell a tinge of lead somewhere, though..."
"Ah, lead won't hurt you unless you eat it. And Daidarabotchi is not for eating, so there."

"...So they translate 'Shinn Asuka' as 'Rear Fly Bird' but leave 'Stellar Loussier' as unmodified English? Also I'm pretty sure 'angry nipper' is racist by some metric."
"Never mind that, the first thing 'Rear Fly Bird' does to Stellar is 'pump all his heart on her!' That sounds like something out of a 'Moriya Shrine Fellows' donation bonus video!"
"...I thought you still thought Sanae was a good girl."
"She is. But even good girls gotta pay the bills."

"Instructions: check."
"Sharp objects: check."
"Let's bounce this bitch."

(A COUPLE HOURS LATER...)
"Well, it certainly doesn't FEEL bootleggy...though the whites are a bit glossier than Bandai would have them."
"Yeah, still feels more like Daidarabotchi than Gundam. Gundam wouldn't have the rear pack binders flopping off at the slightest touch."
"Or the feet being so floppy. Y'think we should've swapped in some of our leftover legit polycaps?"
"Not sure if would've helped. Our stock's all from no-grades and Wing-era HGs; same tech level and wobble factor."

*vrrrt*
"...did it hear us?"
"What th-"

*BWOOOSH*
"Cirno!"

"It's gone full-on berserk. I'll have to shut it down!"

*BRMMMMMMM*
"Tch...a shield on each arm and Phase Shift on top of that...I'll have to break off and-"
*cough* "No. Hold 'im there."
"But-"

"Daidarabotchi made this personal. And you've got him right where I want him."

"What the...at that angle, you'll just slam into his physical shi-"

"! A corkscrew maneuver? But your angle's all wr-"
"Break off from him! NOW!"

"This better work!"
"ATAI RYOUDAN!!" *SCHIIIIIIING*
*thud*
"His arm's clean off! ...wait, you're still spinning?"

"DANGEROUS TOMBOYISH NUTSHOT!"
"H-how's that even work against a robot?"
"You'll see..."

"...The cockpit block's exposed! One shot will do it!"

Blizzard Sign [540 Degrees Below Zero]

"THAT ought to keep him down while we hammer out the AI kinks."
"H-how'd you learn such a brutal technique?"
"Ah, what's it matter what I say I learned it from? Some family-values congressman with the movie industry up his ass will blame video games."
"That excuse stopped working around 1998."
"...oh, right, they'll blame Facebook instead. Support free digital enterprise - kill HR 1981 or your kids will become Sons Of The Patriots!"
"Suddenly, a political message. Are we SuperPAC-funded?"
"With this photo quality? HELL NO."